Functions of a Semi-literate Society

The Tej Hada Notebook v.1
11.01 - 11.02

middlespace © 1996-2002 PMM/bfp



Cycles (11.19.01)

Beginnings Endings
Ups Downs
Tops Bottoms
Starts Backs

The new year begins again
And the past is archived for posterity
And, as important as looking forward
Is looking backwards
As a bubble




For Brennan (11.27.01)

What is important to realize
Is "girls rule"
Yin and yang
MY girl, the little woman to be
Bar raised high, hands higher
All earrings and tails of pigs
With little pointy feet and eyebrows
Questions about all the whys
And a father's place and
Father's day - all so new
Special, wonderful, maddening
Her magical place in the

What can I do to help
You will find your very own worlds
What can you do to show
Me you've found your identity?
When you use your words what
Will they reflect - I pray you
Are in your mother's image and
Possess all the strength and
Dignity and perseverance of "mother"

Know your beats and discover your rhythm
Take hold of the opportunities we
Build for you - creation of love
May my sacrifices offer to you
Everything my rocketships missed



Be Wonderful (11.27.01)

Be what you may
Live as you are
True to you and
Gentle to others

Be wary of things
That look too good
To be genuine
You will be able to tell

Be able to enjoy
Pleasures and pains
Health and the goodness
Value judgment

Be-lieve in yourself
Remember lessons
Of value and nonsense
Trust proper guidance

Be considerate
Give before you take
Soar above the fray
Accept your places

Be confident
And be wonderful



Untitled (11.27.01)

To the extent possible
Our lives intertwining
Literally despite fate

Miracles of genius
Results of love's effort
Mystery and wonder-full



Untitled (11.27.01)

Culture in terms of opportunity
Culture in terms of investment
Culture in terms of civilization

Culture defined in terms of
Individual achievement, successes and failures
In terms of individual direction

Not as a result of trends and
Styles defined externally

I will make marks



Karma and Nirvana; so I'm Gonna (11.27.01)

Dominoes toppling full circle
Forward, then distinctively clockwise
As are the cycles of existence
Our offerings to civilization
Directly result in what we can
Expect as reciprocation:
"You gets what you gives"
Used to be called the rule: golden

Equilibrium may be a short-sold goal
A worthy outcome should be
To leave a surplus of goodness in life;
Something for the future to inherit

Call it legacy, call it history - but,
A little piece of you - left in good
Humor, love, kindness or wonder may
Result in eternal satisfaction

As dominoes fall, clickity-clacking
Throughout our time here
The last falling bone, if played well
May - just may - lift you to the truth



Untitled (12.04.01)

What is important today
How we live our lives is urgent
How we die is irrelevant, that is
Heroes are made by how they lived
Not as the result of some tragic
Or unfortunate accident in time

You can be at the wrong place
At the right time - so alluded

I may have time to create things
Again at a future juncture
Merging mind and eye and hands
In proper sequence; and purpose

Steak and ride
Chocolate sundae
News today born tomorrow
Searching forward for the new
With particular attention and homage
Resting squarely with our history

Marketed to death
I seek a convenient and effective
Way to fly under the radars
While shining as the sun



You Bet (12.04.01)

The eyes and the ears
Opened past the nether void
Focused upon nothing yet
Each day I die just
A little bit upon these trite
And unimportant pages

Even as I scratch, claw and
Sometimes dig for purpose
My time is wasted - joy
Now only comes in dribs and
"Tiny little bits" although
Happiness is ever-present; paradox

How tragic it is to waste time
A luxury wasted on the meek



Waterman 903 (12.04.01)

Whereas I can see through
The obvious - I hope that she
Will have opportunities to enjoy
Wonder and mystery - I hope to
Not rob her of gifts before
They are given




Shirts tucked in with pleasure
Partners in ageless crimes

How can you send that to me?
Is there ever a dull moment in your household?

We are the humans



Optimism (12.11.01)

It is still noble
To be true to art;
To be pure to passion

Belief is still an option
Fabric & carpet & color
"We just wanted to be girls"

Caught in routines
Moving blindly through days
Ideals plunging freely

Skills underutilized

Taciturn meanderings



Dafeday (12.11.01)

Life's mysteries
Like why the suit and tie
And the poverty and dilapidation
Of east coast back yards

North to Canada - to be Canadian
Like Max the fisher [AMTK]
Purposeful and deliberate
New jersey - Hub/intersection
My child's name

Suffering from inadequacy
Dreamed of the love of my child
Rare connection there

In Springfield, we found snow



Keene, New Hampshire (12.13.01)

Plunging world of wonder
System seven blunder
New Hampshire asunder

Longing is desperate
A need to belong
To place and person
Without worry of external

A race to appreciate silence
And safety within reason
Doubt hidden behind comfort
And feelings of familiar

Conflict abatement programs
When I miss the sweet, sweet
Smokes of onion layers peeling

I have been bored in more
States than I can remember
Or even care
I really need to shift down

Yes, more wine please

When all the steps are
Laid out in proper sequence
And automatic processes are

And when the teevee determines
What is good and what is not

I will post the signs along
The way
To show everyone or better still

N of one; case study in an
Experimental world where
The artists drink all the Merlot
And, viola!

We're all puking out our mouths
I digress

Mind out of body out of time
We see ourselves in roles, like
The circus animals in a play
On Broadway or off

I now realize that I am dying

And the salvation that
Is the pleasure of
Self-contained fulfillment

The places we will take
Our cures if only we
Allow them to lead

'Tis the season of booze
And good cheer and I can tell
The end is near - because
I can no longer TASTE

And addict exceeds alone
How easy it is to cross the line

At the same time I am gone
And I am there (boy would
Prostitution be a good thing)

And I begin to think how
Good coffee is with all its
Hot caffienated glory (refer
To pleasures)

Control is a beautiful thing

My silence and awkwardness is an
Unusual thing - for me/natural
As it really is

Of breasts and thighs and other
Assorted chicken parts, I yearn
Oh, do I yearn - alas

Note: it is now in my head
And soon I must go - to be with

My travels - my stories - adventures
Yes, I miss my partner

At about this point, it's over
Numbness begins and cognitions abate
Such a weird phenomenon

And it is very interesting how
All things have changed - my
Camera is my eye; my body
Is my canvas

Cognizant of sites and sounds
And all the powder monkey departments

Steak and shrimp
Welcome to America
Home of the
One-pound sur-loin stake

And the guilt over ninety dollars
Tossed into the never world of
American consumerism

Where can a fella find a good
Source of the drugs or a
Quality whore

And god damn is this coffee good
Very, very good

I find it extremely difficult
To back down (who are
these people?)

Two and out
Down and out
Over and out
Just out

My shoulders ache from this burden



Brattleboro, VT to WDC (12.14.01)

I can stare out of
Train windows without pause
For hours on end

Losing myself in everything
Passing forward or backwards
Dark or light

All the garbage strewn
All the prison backsides
Mad Anthony's
And lonely holiday lighting



Signs Be the Peace (12.18.01)

What would Buddha do?
Living for beautiful if not perfect

Which is all that we can have anyway
Or can appreciate (or miss)
And since the signs were always there
It behooves me to take notice finally

Be as you are - moments
Checkerboard roadmap of moments
Some perfect
Some tragic
Proportion unrelated to efforts of ambition
Coping skills learned and practiced
Like odd theater

Turning inward as a reaction to
Outward realities while
Not healthy in general
Adds value to the existence
As wind reminds us of stillness
Old men in coffee shops ogle
Young women in trains wishing

Simplicity equals peace
And we are just what we are
Memory short and obvious
Relevance fighting for a place to be



Temper-meant (12.18.01)

While we struggle to be someone
I struggle to be myself
With full faculties and energies
Alive with wonder
And glorious fascinations

"You're going to make it in this business"
as tempting and terrifying as that may be or sound

Possibilities tempered by realities and
The pursuit of other objectives and the
Dreams of those important

Hate and contempt tempered by compassion and knowledge
(The ultimate equalizer)



Untitled (12.18.01)

The last word
Never appears
The lust to create
As essential as peristalsis
As vital as carbon
Results in "pain and suffering"

Survival is contingent on ideas
Value is attributed to productivity

That's the unnecessary shame



Time Continues (01.03.02)

"He's now shouting victory in streets of gold."

The biggest problem with planning is
Coming up with a plan

When everything suffers - everything
Suffers - locus of control/center of
The universe/significantly zero
And that is in equal terms
Economically and politically we
Are honored to be zero

So what I pay taxes and vote
My choices may or may not contribute
To the "greater good" - so what?!

I may have to take comfort in
Small victories; in simple things
But that a deeply discounted sell-out
When 45% of the game is over
And the clock is exponentially ticking


If I cannot be an artist
If I cannot be a poet
If I cannot make music
Think what becomes of us?

Thinking all the push-pull thoughts
It all dies



It's No Crime (01.03.02)

The transitions are the most difficult
A & B & all the rest are essentially

Getting from A to B to all the others
Is what's hard; where differences are made

Fine boundaries exist between

It is less a matter of discipline than
A matter of devotion - cold turkey beginnings

When tamed - when harnessed
The brain is a powerful tool;
A useful and interesting device
A fun place
[There is still time to escape]

It is a matter of Xpression

Because of all the things I cannot do - I am free
To do all the things I can



Untitled (01.08.02)

Okay, here we are again
Apples are at it again
A spiral of technological wonder
Tensions eroding
Pace a wonder
Fuel cells

Who are we and what have we become
Rest and boredom
Beauty all around us
Sitting in the lap of luxury
Without perspective

Pictures abstract in windows
Of glory and illusion
As our leaders tout "action steps"

And what I truly care for
Entertain me for short periods
Amuse my sense of wonder
Leave me to die as I lived essentially



What is Our Future? (01.08.02)

Cutting through bullshit
With honest kids
Avoiding pitfalls of interactions
Formalities less formal
Or pretentious

Mobile deployment
Over simplify
React reject reflect

The things I could do with that
Patterns interrupted - avoided
Boldness limited and restrained

Ambition overstated
No discipline or motivation
Waiting for illusory omens
Yellow blinking lights or island-hopping automobiles

Sleeping seems the best option
Is it "grey" or is it "gray"
I've never known



Untitled (01.08.02)

The torture and self-destruction
Of the mind at full throttle
Racing solo collision courses

Music confused
Photographs blackened
Words stifled

Two years at a time
Winter chill nearing the core
Of my bones and my memory

Ten years at a time
Weight of all before us fatiguing
My beliefs and my perceptions

Humbled before all
A classroom of living
Purposes undefined

Dealing with pain as it
Contrasts with leisure
Trying not to hate my creations
'Licensed guru'



The New York X's (01.15.02)

Soft glow of celebrity
Winning IS not enough
Implode in a wave of scandal
Poses of gravity
I think it's God

Capitulating to interests
Releasing toxic gasses
Fires burn from china to Centralia
But in most cases the costs outweigh benefits
Because they fantasize about sex

Seizure on the buckets
The audience's hopes swell
In the asthma room, the patents don't fight
Innocence can be disturbing
I watched the scene in quiet amazement



Naturalistic Environmental Situational (01.22.02)

Kresge on the brink
Dogs as guinea pigs
Sebastian S.

Lumpkin pumpkin
Kittens in jail
Believe in Santa
Don't go to Yale

Where are we now?
Questions are many
Answers are few
We seek to soothe
When a good old-fashioned
Education in common sense
Would go the farthest
The roads lead back to S.C.

The adopted daughter of a former companion
Because of his closeness to youngsters

Obvious is not equal to oblivious
Nuclear is not equal to unclear



Week Twenty-eight (01.2202)

Week twenty-eight
Just to do my thing
Attempting to understand
Just "what" my "thing" is

I fear that "it" will
Get no deeper or
That inspiration will cease

What society values is
A mutually occurring event
Compared with what is "right"

Fathers and daughters
Sons and mothers
The family as universe
Planets colliding and whirring

Scurrying hurriedly about
Leering absentmindedly at
People as characters
In a very bad play

Sweat-suits swooshing nylon
Shoes clean as unused
Synapses dimming



D (01.22.02)

Respect for the rule of war
And adherence to the rule of law
Social standings of cooperation dwindles
When wrongs are clearly defined

Don't talk to strangers

This way of life bores me
The way of the celebrity
Held a degree of appeal

Accidents and conventions
Rules and boundaries
Disregard and somnambulism

I scream whilst awake
I feel no closer today than
Yesterday or the life before that

Have a good day - shapes appeal and allure
Some dissuade and repel
Speckled eggs of light
A design joke by youth serious

Crunch and munch
Hey what sorority?



Untitled (01.22.02)

Five minutes
Ten minutes
Spilling my life's work
On paper with ink purchased
At the mall

Forgetting to care when
All I do is care
Way to much for way too many

Remaining cognizant to everything
While trying to be oblivious
Pain is only a potentator
Of a pleasure theory

Closeness to the source results
In paranoid scorching and prayers
For help - when relief is bliss

Skin and contact real
Desires of the genes
Forget about going back
The envelope is sealed

But forever is a blink

(Seven minutes is a lifetime)



Blurred Boundaries Between Art and God (01.29.02)

Self-important and self-indulgent
Playing roles of wonder
Shaking leg of posture Pete
Milk in the morning
Coffee on the breath

Sickened by abuses by powerful
White men with nicely knotted ties
Moral responsibilities neglected for
Perfect toys

I kill myself with envy

My life is destined my eyes are closed
I turn my choices to those above
When God looks down to save my love

I burn a candle to dim the lights
My wheels spin literally
And race my heart to beat my mind

Our lives prescribed



Untitled (01.29.02)

Happiness sits at the bottom of a well
Joy just out of touch

The winter's break an ominous sign
That our collective su-i-cide
Is working as designed

Can nothing save this poem



Invitation to Rediscover (01.29.02)

Come visit a world of miracles
And dimension
And join me in some tea

Find myself as you've found me
Where exploration is a journey
To dwindling frontiers

Engraved in the clouds
And delivered by smoke
I have invited myself to discover
What has been lost
An invitation to rediscover...stuff

I know you'll find what you seek
Answers on the tip of your brain
And freedom to think your thoughts
And exercise your voice
And flip your choices

Alone in the mind
Alone in the brain

Perfection a state of being



Untitled (01.29.02)

You could be a complete stranger
But I've known you through
Several odd lives
Without reference to tragedy or suffering

Still and forever
Haunted by our ghosts
As we travel selfish roads

For the best we part and stay away



Before the Autism of Furious Thought (02.06.02)

Man in black
Reading very efficient book
Wearing very efficient glasses
People with odd eyes
Magnified to incredible proportions
Whatever gets them through their mornings

Numb to the suffering
Of repetitive, faceless days
We strive for some significance now

A.M. coach
One hundred-eighty degrees
The p.m. coach
Demure in his mannerisms, polite in his behavior

Suffering in humiliation
Despondent in embarrassment
Mistakes have been made

And after a brief flirtation with
I return to my cocoon of autism of furious thought



5 Minute Poem (02.06.02)

The luster of America
Dull, cracked and worn
Reveals a superficial structure
Of particle board, plaster and twist-ties

Covered with varnish, paint and pretty,
Sparkling lights (shiny!)

We showed our asses
Hiding behind un-running colors
Bending-not-breaking in strong
Winds of evolution

Underneath the facade we see humans



Consume (02.19.02)

My God, where have you been?
Have you witnessed all the horrors
Present in my mind
Days go by without your help
Safety nets unused
Missed completely
I cry out in so many small ways
The nod of my head the blink of a thought
But fulfillment remains elusive
Needs unrequited
Reservoirs dry
Sleep is sweet relief
Caution is for the unstable
And birds fly backwards as
I drift from day-to-day
Contributing nothing to the overall context
I consume myself



Chameleon (02.19.02)

The hustle of life is no substitute
For the quality of our interactions
Lessons from colleagues or foes
I preach nothing less than peace
My journey stalled
Processing blindingly dulled from
Years of acute intonation
Where we fall from here
A matter of destiny or fate or luck or accident

I dance to the blues
While I smoke your last cigarette
And torment you with tales of woe



Untitled (02.27.02)

To pull myself out
Of month's long funk
From boredom and lack of

Content (khan-tent)
Words & images
Expressing all the
Bottlenecked somewhere

Longing for time
To do that is
My thing
For want of a better attitude






Untitled (02.27.02)

Inspiration waves
Requires a step backwards
To take in the view
Mosaic into focus
Step back
Explore the genius inside
The shell

As we approach the final stretch
The boundaries cease
To feel so real

So when the ache in my brain
Pushes me into the next world
Context unanswered thus far
Joy will be found in other's

And I will finally realize that
Will be all right

All right



Untitled (03.05.02)

Bibliographies & footnotes
Facing a spiritual crisis
Sold out where it counts
Publicly cheated
[Happy birthday baby boy]

Drought of the century
Importation of energy
And ideals excited
Sometimes someone else will turn on the lights

Life expressed through expression(s)
Blackness speckled with cracks
Exposing - relax
Facing inward facing upward
Facing outward facing onward

Nothing is amazing anymore
But everything has not been seen
Yet to know
Travel instincts

A place to gather
Where all the paths cross
All intersecting



Untitled (03.12.02)

Fawning grown men
In coat and tie
Distracted by celebrity
The look of recognition
Bouncing from face to face

Settled into a comfortable demographic
Learning lessons about my future
How not valued as how to

Sounds of the busy caffeine-house
Soothing the edges of my frayed

Light so strong imperfections hidden flat
No no no no no that is so good
But why are we here
In uniform
Preparing for our daily battles

Accessories of style, brand and culture
Grooming to perfection
Our need to fit in

And stand out

We are all the same



There is no Instruction Manual (03.12.02)

Winter passes
With subtle hints of spring
There's a certain smell
The light is higher



Nine Short Years (03.12.02)

In nine years
Since the death of mother
I realize that today
My daughter is soon due

And what a different world
From then to then
For her to inherit
With that same stubborn grace

Our history and our place within
Without guarantees of outcomes
Just blood and kin and fate
Opportunities anew and unlimited

Genes pass for better or naught
Facts distilled to absolute simplicity



A Universal Family (03.19.02)

President dumbass
And the masters of the puppets
Running high and mighty
While lining pockets with paper
And starting the longest queue
Hell has ever known

Like Israel and Pakistan
The Palestinians and the Hindus
We band together in a
Sort of
Universal family of love

Our goals united
Our spirits soar
And we walk
Hand in hand
With purpose and dedication
To our newly found peace

Equals within and equals between
All issues resolved




Untitled (03.09.02)

Breathing all on my own again
Tired but lucid
Willing to participate in inane
Simple social interactions
Honesty precludes any attempt
To enter a second level of
Complex social interactions

Ambition of all that matters anyway
Distributors of the wealth
I build the cities
And run clean, clean water through them
For pleasure

When I'm not
I inflict plagues upon all non-believers
And shun the ignorant and the helpless
The proverbial joke
Is on you

Building a head of stem
Clicking on all levels
Doing the right things
I am one-off from perfection
In a parallel universe...



No Game (03.19.02)

It is not just a game
There is a huge profit to be made
From perfect physical specimens

As youth is wasted on the young
So too are the young destined
For exploration and exploitation
That is the way is has always been

Stolen gems of subcultures oppressed
Socioeconomic segregation unlimited
But embraced for all the anchors
On all of the scales

There will always be the unknown
And the off-limits and the unattainable
Questions of degree of importance remain
After all, what is

Art to the artist
Noise to the masses
Ignored by the critics
Ridiculed by the classes

We will learn to love each other
If only we do not exterminate ourselves


(Here's the part where I become a regular Joe again)



Obituary of the King of Leisure (02.19.02)

Known by few, loved by fewer
He went to the grave a skeptic
Of what awaited
Willing to accept as truth only
What could be demonstrated as such

Thought himself until ill
Probed existence until frustrated
Cared more than known or expected (suspected)

Left behind as much of himself as possible
In as many forms as necessary including
Visual and auditory - much of it requiring
Devices as mode of access - a shame indeed

Never satisfied
Never finished
Never considered a talent
Never jailed for his convictions

He died
Is dead
Not coming back
Existence moves forward
In a variety of forms

His body of work his manifesto
Celebrated posthumously