Whirlpools Revisited



1. Haiku of Introduction


Here is where it starts

Truth honesty love passion

In pictures and words


2. Whirlpools Revisited


Blistering interpersonal interactions in the harshest of lights:

reality and sobriety

Imps and fairies furiously erecting veneer as gale winds simultaneous strip away

All bravado and self-composure of a cowering boy wearing man-shoes possibly


Fight flight feed or fuck – that’s all there is nevertheless

The rest of “this” – justifications for why we do…all our things

Love and sex, religion, depression, and art itself

Is merely manifestation of the most basic of human need


And as always and as in the sweaty recurring dreams still

The show must continue

Whether the lines are known or not

Serial one-act plays of life


3. Stolen and Edited to My Satisfaction


Artistic sexuality and madness

Genes predominantly common

Contributing to distinctiveness of uniquely imagined views

May also explain the artist’s attractiveness to others (and self)


Art as courtship performance of attraction

Human plumage intended to entice unconsciously

What artists are expected to do – perhaps

Impulses unconstrained by the boundaries that apply to the rest of our social order


Accepting the unintended and intended consequences

Of genius (or madness) and voice

Of longing and fulfillment of

Intimate desires ratcheted to mind-boggling clichés of ecstasy


Dying the youngest artists

Gathering rosebuds while they may

But also to write, paint, sing, compose and talk about it, incessantly

As inspired and motivated and challenged and


Being imaginative the artist loves deepest

A long-running conceit because sex has become so

Desperately cheapened and unromantic

More than ever sex equals art, freedom, love, and naughtiness


Faintly unhinged, with perverse and agile desires

More myth than science

Our oldest and most cherished need

This may be no more than escapism; but so is art


4. How I See It All


History is moving toward things

Regardless of consequence


Genuine people with genuine intents

Far more essential than anything less


Rewards are result of efforts

Interjected into situations anew


"You can't embrace your passions

If you live for safety"


Practical and satisfactory living

May be mutually exclusive


Happiness [a reiteration] is not a place

Or a destination or end of all journeys


Happiness is function of and relationship with

All the highs and the lows and experiences


We are shaped by what takes our breath away

Until we have no breath remaining


5. Sometimes


Sometimes being me

Is difficult to the

Point of agony sheer


Of awkwardness and

Heat of spotlights

And microphones –


A live stage show for

Foreign audiences

No one understanding


A goddamn thing

Going on

Staring with disdain


6. Racing


At some point

The decadence of the spirit

Will catch up with me


But I am staying out in front

For now

With mendacity and fantasies


As long as

Philosophy and intellectualism



Maybe I’ll sty out front


7. Howling


The rawness of kissing her

When the grinding of lust

Becoming the center of two universes


Two devolving into basics

As animals in their element

Existing for solitary purposes


When biting is foreplay

Howling is neither surprising nor unexpected

Some bruising can be expected


No place for the fragile or the feeble

Is the place where we meet

To salve our aches


8. Exhaustion Impression Clarity


The exhaustion I feel is based less

On externally located

Loci of control factors

Then on all that I do

On my very own

To create chaos

Distraction and opportunities

For disaster and self-destruction


It is with wonder and splendor

I view my autobiographical film

Booing and hissing at

My unsavory character

While feeling admiration and

Genuine respect for

The hero in me

All glamorous and steely


But through the wear

The fog lifts to unveil

A movement toward

All ever aspired wanted or intuited

In this moment on earth

The embarrassment of spiritual wealth

The Zen of emptiness of thought

And acceptance of self


9. Angels in Berkeley


Heaven and café

Surprisingly alluring

Last mean on death row


Angels with presents (presence)

Eye contact penetrating

Refining the zone


Leisure of kingdoms

Goddamn my life is perfect

Tasty red liquids


Fruit flies on chickens

Welcoming to apexes

Enough is enough



I have looked in the attic

It’s time to return


Inspiration is

Something given eagerly

Consuming our minds


Without the context

A frightening collection

Of primitive needs


10. Decisions About and Reasons For Everything


Intensely sad for complex and deeply internalized reasons

Miserable because no longer in possession

Of ability to wound feelings with ease

Nor anymore can I overtly and completely

Take control of destinies mine


Instead of charging forward

In manners more appropriate for

Personality and supposed stature

As genuinely outsized as this

I sit back and ponder and wonder


Slinking among the cracks appeasing

Compromising to avoid conflicts and misinterpretations

Because somehow humility and perspective

Infected my being like some lowly

Contagion of the lowly among us


Hoping for familiar patterns and capabilities

Engage the mythical autopilot of lives past

Remembering a time when the world

Indeed bent nay molded to direct will

Formulas forgotten muscle memory disoriented


Now like sharks

When forward momentum ceases

I sink

Dead of life

Dead of credibility gasping


It takes a little more out of me

Each mountain climbed each frontier surveyed

But in the end we will again

Stand among as essence

Again cynosure and arrogant


11. Cut and Run


Like that horrible screaming in dreams

When no one can hear you

Because try as you may

No sound escapes your face


Choking on your own bitterness

Ruined only by yourself

Booed offstage for acting so imperiously

While jumping at the daylight shadows


Desperately debating whether to learn

How to be in this world

Looking for blueprints or maps

From apathy to antipathy


When all we ever always needed

Was to find someone trusted

To hand our bloody hearts

Without scheme for merriment


12. Trees Felling Lumberjacks


Throwing self into passions

Drowning in ideas new (and not)

What got me here in the first place

Gets me too far in the second


Frozen in time and place

Fossilized for the eternity of ages, but

Falling inward into particular moments

And the quiddity of it all


The newness of being so broken

The novelty of being fucking lost

Trees felling lumberjacks without fear

Disaster is criminal* so they say


Departures from nature

            is deviation from happiness

Compared to expectations

Disaster is evidently a relative term


* Fortune from fortune cookie found on 12.30.05


13. Haiku


Totally backwards

When goal to find happiness

Leave people crying


14. Significant Reflection


Watching Evgeny Kissin’s performance

From 1988’s New Years Even concert

Berliner Philharmoniker with Karajan

A significant event – for those who care

Tchaikovsky piano Concerto No. 1

Kissin was recently 17 years old at the time


Given my early goal for the symphony

It is difficult enough to watch or hear

The world-class orchestras without envy

But true prodigies – albeit freak shows

Are as irresistible as they are loathed

And Evgeny was incredible – to tears, remarkable


The true prodigy, the so-called “genius”

Builds upon the natural “gift” – life becomes the art – inseparable

Reducing others to Mozart’s sniveling Salieri

The prodigy leaves others wanting

Hoping and searching for talents

Questioning ideas and motivations anew


When the art is allowed to live

Muting noise and ignoring distraction

We gain tremendous focus for the world around

We know truths and see through eyes

It was Goethe who said, “a real poet

has an innate knowledge of life”


15. Untitled


Aspirations toward

Integrity and honest

Living and dying


How do we obtain

Necessities and longings

Without injuring?


16. Belief Structures (in secret code)


Empirical wandering throughout

Small growing existence

What to believe

How to behave


Winds blowing eastward

China to California

Thoughts and experiences

Spirits and ghosts


Rationally reasoning logic

Algorithms functioning passively

First principal truths

About our expectations


Finding exacting knowledge

Absolute material phenomena

Dinosaurs form dusts

Post-mainstream impacts


Agnostic’s logical position

Thrill and anguish

Art and sex

Piling up fatalities


Is existentialism humanism?

Faith changes boundaries

Passionate logic use

Not for me…


17. Dope Rhymes (Remix)


The drugs make us tired

The drugs make us dumb

The drugs douse the fires

The drugs make us numb


18. After Another New Year


Like a new post-apocalypse world again

Resulting in more questions than answers

About situations and institutions


Attraction that never really dissipates

Simmering low until compelled to boil over

Desire as sine qua non as love


Friendships and rules (broken)

Disconcerting, livid battle cry for attention

Once the Jonz always the Jonz though


Interactions as wild Tchoupitoulas

“Masking” for obscurity or individuality

Desperately wanting and fearing inclusion


“I would like to think that it’s the obligation to have fun I find depressing.”

-Garrison Keillor


19. Boy Toy (mind cadence)


Boy toy by choice

Whore occupation

Connection in mind

Sex a fixation


The roles that we play

The scenes that we steal

Bodies in wake

No time to heal


Better by choice

Deeper inherent

Patterns repeated

God fear the parent


Decisions are made

Destinies chosen

Behaviors dependent

On policies broken


For women and men

And those in between

The spirit is fragile

Life’s never serene


20. I Predict A Riot


I predict a riot

The stuff of American legend

Eureka moments of

rhetorical hyperbole


Proud but meaningless associations

of humans and systems

In a cult of the unrestrained

Between agency and outcome


Systematic propagation

Of given doctrines

And future gifting of phantoms

Moving badly in silence


You don’t have to be that good

to do something amazing, but

Once you have a crowd

You have a scene


21. What If?


What if one day I actually wrote about

what I was actually thinking?


About who I wanted to fuck

or whom I wanted to heave under busses?


What if for just a moment I dropped the code

and exposed my secrets and truths?


Like the lies for personal gain or

the manifest illicit activities or the darkest ignominy?


What if people knew of my desires unfiltered

fantasies dreams and perversions?


Would there be ridicule about

how I like it or derision for taste?


What if I somehow found the courage

to live the life of my Mittyesque daydreams?


To actually have it all

while only needing so little


What if I weren’t so fucking afraid

of myself so much more than others?


And soared as intended

as encouraged and as only half-ass ever attempted


What if I became so comfortable being me

I managed to find something called peace of mind?


Then what would I have to keep me alive

awake at night and ever searching for answers?


22. A Cleansing


Like the ventriloquist

Pencil and paper as dummy

Able to say all the words

I dare not publicly admit


Cleansing, yes, a cleansing


If not for the drug use

I’d be no use at all

The burden of secrets

is the weight of the universe


Rituals and our customs

Mattering little if not at all anymore

When you sell your soul

you are no longer the rebel, but the shill


Yes, it’s you, just fucking you, OK?


The devil takes a holiday

Like a prophet or a sage

I’d rather be crazy than stupid

Or a fool or categorized simply


Oh, so what I wanted to say

Was (read between these lines)

It’s killing me and

You’re feeling it too


23. Rudeness


Perhaps offended by feedback

Or embarrassed at being perfectly 'called out'

But RUDE is the attribute

The conspicuous character blemish

Subject to deep gazes in mirrors today


Looking backwards conceivably

Agreement with shades of the impolite

Discourteous or varying degrees of offensive

All fitting playbooks of conscious choices

Acts designed to mislead or baffle (or simply amuse)


Rejected wholeheartedly however

Are vulgar, boorish and foul

Uncouth?  Never uncivilized or crude

It is with elegant sway that I offend

Panache always fundamental to method


As a chameleon fittingly at ease

Appropriate to occasion

Tailored to individual genuinely

Soaring with mellifluous aplomb

I've been there before – disdain for cause


But if RUDE is the call

So be it to repair the plumbing

For recitals anew and gains personal

Healthy reflection drives improvement

New tricks arouse old dogs


24. thank you


thank you for calling here

and thank you for saying what you said

that some of my art is good


nobody that i trust has really come out and

said that to me (aloud - enough)

so that i heard it (or let it through)


kind of scary, really

scary that i actually heard it this time

scary that i sort of believe it


reminds me that i should do more

or do less or run

the hell away from all of it again


or really believe should i

in my art and the people

who care enough to tell me so


but i've already said too much

so most of all

thank you for everything


my dear


25. The Mayor of Cartoon Town


Welcome to your grown-up years

Over hurdles at midpoints

In crises are opportunities


But caution be heeded

As slicing at already tender wounds

With sharp, jagged knives


With nothing to explain

And everything to pronounce (through actions)

We yield to moments – as hiatus


Insanity earned or inherited

No excuses for wrongs inflicted

Retractions tardy or rejected


Detachment into alternative worlds

Existence becomes penitentiary in purgatory

I am the mayor of cartoon town


26. Speak Easy


In every metropolis and in every culture

During all periods of modern human times

Exist extravagant and vigorous undergrounds


Where there’s always “the hot stuff” action

With hep cats drinking, snorting and cavorting

Among scenesters with glasses thick of plastic frames


Coexisting within the brain

Past layers of matters gray and perhaps white

Are the speakeasies of the mind as well


The smokey cathouses inside our heads

As addictive as cocaine snorted off glistening breasts

Greet those detached by choice or circumstance


Those dead and those unfortunately alive (still)

Dancing to music that in no way ends

And the password is: It’s me


Sweat puke fuck suck laugh cry die

The party is just beginning

And you are its host – the pulse


27. Reasons


A master of snap judgments

Hierarchical platforms of context


And starting to look like the

only honest guy in the room


Don’t make things worse…

by insulting my intelligence


[Thirteen miners fate unknown

Minds like ears blown]


Sometimes actions are

More transparent than you think


The thrill and agony

of the ongoing ego fighting


Sniveling like cowardly whores

During our continuing cultural wars


[All the officers slept holding

their guns with arms folding]


Idiocy transcends all boundaries

More rapaciously than Einstein’s universe


28. Sanctification


So much pleasure in being able to see

all the flights from the control tower

Interweaving, methodical, logical patterns

Satisfying are the outcomes in general


Fortunate am I to be sanctified

With Vision and aptitudes

Mystical or uncanny – unusual intangibly

Able to make flow from spill


They all know and have always known

From the beginning of time

Until the endgame of existence

That remarkable is terrifying – inimitable is dangerous


So be it in the air of superiority

Vulnerable mostly to self and urge(s)

Desire and necessity confused

Like snapshots of ascents and descents


29. Nix Mary


Horrified and saddened to tears – sobbing

But responsible to bear witness

To learn never to fail to remember

Or repeat the horrors of our disgraceful history

Present or future


Heed the warnings while never

Underestimating the human capacity for evil

To inflict pain upon other humans

From Birkenau to Darfur


There are few things more mystifying

Than a miniature casket

Like a betrayal

Or a broken promise to your God

Seeing makes no sense


Little angels everywhere

A raw, cold, penetrating day

Jesus Christ crying

No words to describe the atrocity of this monster

“A Sight That Makes No Sense”


Those of us who are strong

Those of us who are smart

Owe the rest a great deal

To carry forward

And to cry for these strangers


30. Matter : Antimatter


Epic battle over human nature

Syllogistic mating of choice(s) and freedom(s)

Doing better but feeling shoddier


Good enough is almost always good enough

Well-articulated burdens of character

And willingness to believe…






High stakes manifestations – of

Expectations too high to meet

Everything suffering by association


Nothing holding us back

But crippling burden of Choice

The embarrassment of riches


Satiation from good

Dampening escalations of bad

When signal to noise balances


Subject and confederate

Steal themselves with the

Guilt of assassins


31. Untitled


The decision and the experience

And the repulsion of defaults


Yearning forward


Protégé and mentor

Interchangeably interlocking


Words and kisses

Knowing thoughts before you


I require


Eyes seldom deceive

Organs of intelligence and sex never


32. Believe Me (haiku)


Believe me I know

But the silence and distance

Cripples beyond pain


33. Reiterations


Reiterations of reiterations

But giddily fun nonetheless

The psychology of us all

Puzzles of grandmotherly wisdom


Reiterations of reiterations

When attitude and behaviors are at variance

At least we don’t feel so cookie cutter

Elusive as unique has become


34.  In Dreams (haiku)


In dreams I always

Exercise all my senses

Your body and mind


35. The Burden of Animals


Heavy like something

Carried around with nowhere to unload

Except on you

(With preference to “in” you)

Perhaps the truth is forever present


Selfish may not be inaccurate

But the bio-chemicals…

And huge doses of testosterone

Provokes these behaviors: dumb, irrational

Non-ambiguous appetites


Bad girl meeting bad boy: tendencies

Behind our masks and roles

Grotesque awkwardness spent

Just desire and necessity lingering

Liberation and nurturance


A master plan shoddily executed

Perhaps an ambitious fantasy

Intellectually erotic love attraction

Or distilled to simplest terms

Just…the burden of animals


36. Haiku One


Escape from prisons
Of the spirit and the soul
"Happy" fantasies

When lovers unite
Limitless inclinations
Come out late at night

You know who you are
A giant funhouse mirror
I am you are me


37. More Haiku


I need a lover
To fuck my body and mind
Before I am numb

We need our gurus
Vessels of divinity
Lead to inspire

Leaving all of this
In degrees of "happiness"
Optimistic dread


38. Like the Phoenix


Resurrection from embers
Of burned bridges
Perceived betrayals
And lost contact

Cliché like the phoenix

Impressed with own powers of
Survival and instinct
Preservation meeting perseverance
Will intersecting selfish, stubborn desire

Bending realities like breaking rules

Expanding repertoire of skill
Cementing position as king
Among world-class snobs and makers
Carrying forward with usual superiority airs

I still control my world


39. Cursed is the Blessed Human Animal


What is preventing us (all of us) from simply enjoying our time here (on earth)? Why can't we just find our comfort zones and save the drama and the angst for stage plays and jigsaw puzzles? There's fun to be had and we've already had enough grief to last us well into our next (and next after) lives.

Believe me, I get it. We are the humans; homo-fucking-sapien. There are complexities, subtleties, and inconsistencies, no doubt. That comes with the ability to reason and drive stick.

But, we also have the very basic responsibility to share an interesting chat, laugh until we gag, and fuck each other silly every so often. It is me, or are my priorities skewed?


40. Purpose: Manhood


Having lofty regard for society

Vigilantly & diligently avoiding being nuisance

Particularly on those who host or invite us warmly

Making our existence in the human race instead

a light and welcome experience

Hoping thusly to deserve – at least – modest

Reflectively fine kismet


One sub-definition of “manhood”

Understanding that not every-thing in life is you(rs)

That, at times, people for whom you have responsibilities

need you to protect them – at all costs

So in dreadfully certain situations

Matters are taken into your own hands

Even if the result is rejection and derision


41. The End of the Road


Someone please inspire me

I feel like a well run waterless

After a long, scorching summer


Blinding actuality of soberness

Vigor and good morale

Annoying chores to attend


In a fit of tears

Carrie said, “Never meet your heroes”

Always bound to disillusion


Or discoveries of mortality

Futility or weaknesses

Of mind or fleshy tissues


Transition from creator

To very human user

[Bound to happen sometime]


Oh, someone please arouse me

Save me from my own vicious ways

Unless my demise is your creation


42.  Fate Fatality


Of what fate or providence divine

Given only splendid intentions

How can an almighty be claimed?

For destiny appears – at present

To be all maddeningly inaccessible


Paths neither intersecting nor interweaved

[No significant main effects or interactions]

Life processes – the mechanics – the fundamentals

At constant variance and conflict

Clocks ticking faster and louder each second


Castigation unjust, unfair, unkind

Exacerbated by painful possession of knowledge

High comedy if not for tragedies unspoken

A test – a journey – a lesson; of what

For offenses forgotten or buried perhaps


But connections unmistaken

The unvarying pulls of gravity

Changing orbits through force and will

Bending ice and melting steel

Because, because, because we are dying for our truths


43.  Some Thinking


Perhaps a paradigm shift is

What is in order here

A perfect relationship being

One spent largely apart by intention


Yet never more than a moment away

To share all that truly counts, remotely even

The very beginning – maybe?

Of a lifelong exclusive-clandestine existence (together)


Worlds apart but hearts as one

Liaisons bi or tri annum even

Luxuriating in comfort and honesty

Rapport simple but so convoluted


Understood only by and for each other

But never to the point of annoyance

Aggravation or shared businesses forbidden

Love’s purity for love alone – period


Our most difficult problems

Cannot be solved through convention any longer

And life cannot continue to be

All idiotic and unending crises


To have each other is to have it all

Yet have so little save anticipation

Fulfillment and the pining

But we still get all we ever needed


44.  Nonlinear Runaway Spasms of Extreme Moments


On foot from here to there it happens

Incidental glimpse of your very own reflection

In the full-length window of some office or shop


You identify the image instantaneously as familiar

Instants before recognizing that it is in fact you

And you consider, “Oh, that’s what I look like”


But in that moment

It all solidifies

Yes that is you – for all the world


Too tall, too plump, too squat, too lean

Frowning with ill-matched garments

Goofy looking motherfucker indeed


Nearly agonizingly mortifying awareness

Yes that is you – for the entire world

No one to weigh against and context absent


No longer seventeen and perpetual

You ache in places that

Used to cooperate


And you speculate

How can one endure

All of this -- with equanimity


45.  Unrepentant


Direct Uncomplicated Unrepentant


Arrogant notions of supremacy

In a relatively infinitesimal period

                                    of time


Spyholes on perpetuity


Consciousness and intellect

Truly most striking and unbelievable

Even our most commonplace of every day pleasures

                                    and pains


Through rhymes and inflections


Learning to maintain relationships

At points and depths of icebergs




46. To catch up


There is nothing more frustrating than

A brain waiting

For everything else – machine or human


To catch up


The anguish of the wait

Far exceeds any reward or benefit

From whatever outcome


47. Situation Resolution


Thinking always devoid of thinking

Understanding intentions and capabilities

Improvisation live without nets

All to awaken your senses

As you arouse mine


A life as compelling as it is horrifying

Unstructured Unsupervised Unscripted

But neither arbitrary nor chaotic, always tidy

Hundreds if not thousands of rehearsal hours

For every moment performed


Discipline meet intuition (“how do you do?”)

Valves of emotion and intellect wide open

Actions developed through suppression-suppression

Reacting quickly and always honestly

No suggestion – by rule – ever be denied

Creating conditions for successful spontaneity


48.  El Roble


Never together

Purgatory junior high

Forever dying


49.  Back to Base


An expedition never concludes

Until we return back to base

Seeing our home and ourselves

As if for the very first time

Even if as vague imagery from wistful slumber


Context and perspective

Situations analyzed and interpreted (for right or not)

And weighed against hazard and investment

In hopes only of love and life peace


Trying is never as ambitions as doing

Eschewing sleep, sustenance, or stature

But sometimes we are systemically prevented

From doing…and we begin to wither


Vulnerability exposed for all to notice

Hurt is easy and pain often insufferable

Survival akin to epic movie battles

Yet we continue somehow heroically persistent


50.  The End


And in the end

There will be nothing

Absolutely positively nil

No sights – no sounds – no context


We depart as we enter

Sans promises or shoes on our feets

Relieved that the clocks and watches

Have finally stopped the incessant ticking


Cursed to only figure out at last

All of life’s understated glories

Suddenly and alarmingly – and with amazing clarity

Once it’s nearly too goddamed late


We have our moments – some of us

Legacies uncluttered in the nonsensical squander

Of noise, half-hearted confusion, and cliché

Somehow living onward if not forever





The end.